2017
As I sit here thinking about this past year as we are in November now and realizing 2017 is coming to an end. I can't believe all that has happened in just one short year. In so many ways, I am a totally different person because my life has changed so much.
At the beginning of this year, I experienced heartache like never before with the loss of my Nana. Now, unfortunately, we had been losing her for quite some time due to dementia, but for my whole life, she was there every single day. Growing up my mom worked so my grandma was the one who would get me ready for school, pick me up and make me dinner. She truly was a second mom. In 2010, after being put on oxygen and suffering from dementia we slowly saw her slip away. We would see glimpses of who she used to be, come through here and there but it got to be very hard for a very long time. My mom (the strongest woman I know) refused to ever put my grandma into a nursing home and cared for her every single day so selflessly, it blows my mind that my mom still to this day holds so much regret when it comes to my grandma she feels she should have done more. When in my eyes which I tell her all the time I have never seen someone care for a mother the way she did. I even used to get angry with my mom when she couldn't do something with me because she didn't have anyone to sit with my grandma so she wouldn't be home alone. But what I have realized now is that my grandma needed my mom more than I did at that time.
At this very same time, I was planning the happiest day of my life which was very hard to imagine that day without my grandma who I had always pictured being there on my wedding day. In the months after her death and leading up to my wedding day my son who was 1 and a half at the time swore that he was seeing my grandma he would point to the same spot in the sky and say there is Nana and she is eating an apple. On my wedding day, which by the way was the happiest day of my life and truly the most memorable moment of 2017 and my life so far myself, my mother and my new mother-in-law visited the blessed mother and gave a rose. I know that in that moment my grandma was with me. After the wedding, we returned home and the first thing my son said was "Where's Nana?". I truly believe that my grandma waited for my wedding day to pass on because after that day he never pointed to that spot in the sky. I find a sense of comfort in knowing that although I couldn't physically see her she was still there with me on that day.
Just this October, my husband, my son and myself moved into our very first home and that is another reminder of something I never got to show my grandma. However, my grandma was an amazing artist and so I plan on putting up all of her artwork that I have so that a there will always be little reminders of her all around my home.
I know that as the holidays approach that will be really tough especially for my Mom, but I hope that we can all share beautiful memories of my grandma and remember all of the good moments and the holidays that we did get to spend and all the traditions she started that will continue to live on.
At the beginning of this year, I experienced heartache like never before with the loss of my Nana. Now, unfortunately, we had been losing her for quite some time due to dementia, but for my whole life, she was there every single day. Growing up my mom worked so my grandma was the one who would get me ready for school, pick me up and make me dinner. She truly was a second mom. In 2010, after being put on oxygen and suffering from dementia we slowly saw her slip away. We would see glimpses of who she used to be, come through here and there but it got to be very hard for a very long time. My mom (the strongest woman I know) refused to ever put my grandma into a nursing home and cared for her every single day so selflessly, it blows my mind that my mom still to this day holds so much regret when it comes to my grandma she feels she should have done more. When in my eyes which I tell her all the time I have never seen someone care for a mother the way she did. I even used to get angry with my mom when she couldn't do something with me because she didn't have anyone to sit with my grandma so she wouldn't be home alone. But what I have realized now is that my grandma needed my mom more than I did at that time.
At this very same time, I was planning the happiest day of my life which was very hard to imagine that day without my grandma who I had always pictured being there on my wedding day. In the months after her death and leading up to my wedding day my son who was 1 and a half at the time swore that he was seeing my grandma he would point to the same spot in the sky and say there is Nana and she is eating an apple. On my wedding day, which by the way was the happiest day of my life and truly the most memorable moment of 2017 and my life so far myself, my mother and my new mother-in-law visited the blessed mother and gave a rose. I know that in that moment my grandma was with me. After the wedding, we returned home and the first thing my son said was "Where's Nana?". I truly believe that my grandma waited for my wedding day to pass on because after that day he never pointed to that spot in the sky. I find a sense of comfort in knowing that although I couldn't physically see her she was still there with me on that day.
Just this October, my husband, my son and myself moved into our very first home and that is another reminder of something I never got to show my grandma. However, my grandma was an amazing artist and so I plan on putting up all of her artwork that I have so that a there will always be little reminders of her all around my home.
I know that as the holidays approach that will be really tough especially for my Mom, but I hope that we can all share beautiful memories of my grandma and remember all of the good moments and the holidays that we did get to spend and all the traditions she started that will continue to live on.
That's all for now!
-- Danielle
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